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It’s Better to be Pissed Off than Pissed On

Males all around the world experience getting pissed on by themselves multiple times a day.

Well, today I’m taking a (hand)stand by getting pissed off and hopefully reducing a few instances of getting pissed on by yourself or your overly-friendly neighbor.

The problem with urinals is that it’s impossible for a blind intoxicated teen with undiagnosed ADHD to miss the urinal. But most of a urinal’s surface area couldn’t be more conducive to splash back.

Third grade physics (or eight grade physics, if you’re in the US) lesson: splashing is most likely to occur when a stream hits a surface at a perpendicular angle. To avoid splash back from the standard urinal, one must pee along the curved edges as shown in the scientific diagram. A common alternative is to ignore the splashing by standing so close to the urinal that your body absorbs all of the splash.

Even specially-designed anti-splash urinals are no good. Unless the pee-er is well-educated in the physics of urinating, he (it’s totally PC to use the gender-specific “he” in this instance, right?) won’t know to aim for the sides.

A urinal should be conical to minimize 90 degree interactions, almost like this, but deeper. It’s that simple. Product design kids and go Penngineers: quit the useless crap and save lives.

Next time we cross paths in neighboring urinals, you’ll know why I’m peeing standing sideways.

For further reading, here’s my favorite tip from wikiHow:

Sometimes a careless guy next to you will splash onto you. When this happens, try to discreetly splash a little onto his shoes. If he splashes a significant amount, go ahead and be indiscreet in your retaliation. He won’t know what to do at first, and you should bail while he’s deciding how to handle the situation. Read the entire article here.

And just for funsies:

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